Friday, May 4, 2007

Thoughts and Ponderings

I know that God has been telling me this past week that the things that I am dealing with are between me and God alone. And so there is an automatic detachment to what is being said, but the things that are floating around are not wholly off either. Job 18: 2&3 come to mind. But I’m not sure if I need to be silent and listen or if it is that others need to stop their chatter… I’m not sure yet.
The other thing that comes to mind is Job 19 1-10. I feel that God has broken me, and in my brokenness I am continually judged and nit-picked. Granted this may just be the timing of the feedback requested of letters from months ago. But either way, my issues are with God alone.
As far as the other portions of these responses, Job 13:2-3. I know these things and it frightens me as well. It’s not that I am blindly perusing things with ignorance of what I am capable of. I have been burned, and in some disgusting way I have inherited some of the traits that were so harmful to me. I DON’T know why! I hate it. I need to be given the forgiveness by God and the grace of my fellow believers to understand that I AM broken. I have been in a place of Job 15:11-13, not even so far ago! But I have been broken, my life my plans have been taken from me. Job 16:7 “Surely, O God, you have worn me out; you have devastated my entire household. 8 You have bound me—and it has become a witness; my gauntness rises up and testifies against me.” So my past betrays me, I am bound to my weakness. To be humbled by the sins of my past. I know that I am nothing without the grace that is sufficient for me. 2 Corinthians 12:9. However, even in that grace I am still wanting. I am as in Job 15: 14-16, I am still wicked and in need of a savior. (I can address individual concerns/fights if need be)
So yes. I know that I’m terrible. I know that I’m lacking in the Faith Department but who are men to judge my heart? What can they see that I do not show them? Besides what God Himself has shown to them, they see only what I give up. In my brokenness I feel that I have been open, bare, helpless laying huddled in the corner while I’m being told I’m not good… I KNOW I’m not good. No one is good in their own right. The powers of this world have taken it by force, and well we live here, we are NOT islands we are NOT invincible! I too am not “good” according to the Word. but Job 16:19-21
I want to use Job 15:4, but where? Somewhat in conjunction with Job 16:2-5. Still I don’t know how it is meant to be used, because there is not need to rebuke the air. It would be a Job 15:3.

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