Friday, February 16, 2007

Maybe I'm a Revolutionary

So, there are some things that require slow incremental changes in order to secure a social and cultural atmosphere of acceptance to the new ideas. This is the case with political science, academic modifications to curriculum and even the shifts within the church... except a few notable moments of total upheaval and modification. And as a person who wants a change in one of these areas, when is the progress of incremental change too tedious? Say that you have a fantastic idea of how to teach a class about world politics. You want to have geography, current events, comparative politics, history and a bit of anthropological culture studies in there, but right now you only have history and comparative politics. So you have the end in mind and the people that you are working with the make the changes are not allowing big enough changes so that you can even see that there is any difference! So they add a Geography quiz requirement to the politics class, and add a book on ancient art in the history classes, but they aren't giving you the big picture. You can't say that there has been NO change, they are giving you some say and accepting a few of your prods, but when are the mediocre scraps of changes enough?!! Will it be enough, or will you fly off the deep end and create your own damn program with all the things that you want already in it.
When is the minimum to get by not going to get them by any longer?
So maybe I'm a revolutionary because little by little is good and shows progress, but how long do people need to wait before all the little baby blocks make for a good enough foundation to JUMP!
It is my theory that there should be smaller steps in the beginning, but there is a point when all of those steps will create a situation that will make the past incompatible with the baby steps that were just taken. So one can chose to return to their former comfort of the old way, or jump with both feet into something that they have seen as worth been building for themselves.
I'm tired of only getting baby steps. It's time for action, and it's time NOW.

Granted life seems to make itself the most complicated when it is time to jump, and so you just stand there. Like if you were on top of the pole and some silly ropes course... it's time to jump, but you cant just yet. You have a hand full of people back on the ground telling you that you will be fine and that you will make it, and that you need to jump. And sometimes you can't even hear them because as you stand on the brink of something so big, (or at least when I do) all those voices are good to know, but they fade away. I need to know that I'm ready and that I can make it, it's not good enough that they know I can make it... because I need to know.

So you are at the top,

Is it your time yet?

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

the First of many

The first of many blogs, stories, challenges, secrets, hopes, disappointments, hurts, holidays, birthdays, school days, Wednesdays and years to come. Granted not all of those will show up here, but there is a good number of then that might. First off, I blog for me. sure there may be a few updates here and there for the general readership, but more often than not i write because there is something to be said and instead of keeping myself up late thinking about it over and over i'll write it down and get it out of my head.

Today i will be trying to decide if i should still like my birthday.
It was this last Sunday.. the 11th in fact.
This year, i worked, saw a movie ate with my folks and began to think of breaking off my 2.5 year relationship with the boy. I suppose that it wasn't that bad of a birth -DAY but the weekend before kinda sucked too. I had received 2 birthday cards by the eve of my birthday, one of which was merely a venue for my grandmother to tell me with three different notes within the birthday card that i never talk to her, and that it makes her upset. The other was a legitimate Happy Bitrthday card. My folks had talked to me that day (the 10th) and had not said a word about my birthday or that they wanted to see me for it, they only talked about how much money i'm usurping with college and what i need to help with for my sister's wedding. [ok so don't take me wrong here, weddings are a big deal, and deserve attention... but, it's the day before my day and not a word about ... hey you were Born 22 years ago tomorrow!] AND i had worked the 10th too and was not too thrilled about getting up at 530 again on my birthday.
So the day of i worked, stopped some old crabs from fighting over the fact that one person decided to wear pajamas to the lounge. [i'm a concierge at a hotel in Fort Collins.... not exactly the most upper-class vacation spot, so i think it's unrealistic to be offended by pajamas] The PJs that this younger guy was wearing were grandpa flannel jammies, Not exactly scandalise!
Anyway, so i break up a fight, talk to the boy who is long distance at this point, go to a movie -Pans Labyrinth ... it's good but the scary scenes were not so much.. i mean needing to put your hands to your head for eyes... i mean really! - Got a call from my folks saying they were coming up to see me, cleaned my room and went to dinner. So not super different from other days of the year. and maybe now that i'm 22 that's how things will be for the rest of my life.
i hope not.
In years past, things haven't exactly turned out my way.
I never had a sweet 16 party because i was grounded. (i had, and still do have, a knack for being grumpy around my birthday because i figure that it will turn out like it always does and so because i'm grumpy i used to get in trouble for it.)
I did have a 17th birthday party but i had just moved schools so the new friends didn't know me well enough and the old ones i guess didn't remember me well enough to actually come, so it was like 8 of us when i think i invited more than 20.
My 18th was the year the my dad told me that i couldn't go to the prom. (i still don't know why)
My 19th, my love interest' mother died.
My 20th was good because i learned how to ski, but it was a big trip so no one remembered that it was during the trip. But i did get a happy birthday kiss from the boy on the top of the mountain, that was nice.
My 21st me and that boy broke up but he and one obscure friend from high school were the only 2 people to go out to the bars with me on my 21st!
and now we are at my 22nd and me and that boy are on the rocks again and well i had to work!
So it looks like i have one good birthday about every three.... so i guess next year's should be great! or at least not terrible!
Now the funny think is that i still like my birthday! i want it to be special and happy and fun, like the all day events that were the case when you turned 8 or 10... you know the younger years when parents believe that making a fuss is a great idea, then by the time they have made a fuss for 17 years, they figure it's just another day like it is when you are between (in my case) the ages of 18 and 64. After that people just celebrate the fact that you are still alive!
So i like my birthday, but it seems that i might be having a hard time with it in the future seeing as though i have about 42 more shitty ones to go before i get the good ones.

* Total side note, i really don't like that the space when you are typing doesn't show up until you have another character after it. . . it really freaks me out.

Arhg! and the enter button too!!!
ok that's too weird, i have to get to bed.